I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
