Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
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You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize