I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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