Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow