we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.