Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.