3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....