I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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