I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
