JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
