I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
