Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
