I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
