omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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