i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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