we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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