I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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