Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
