But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
