I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
