wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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