I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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