walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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