You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
