I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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