Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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