I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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