i just had sex bonerless
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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