Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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