She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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