Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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