So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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