I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
