woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
