Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
