ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
