At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
