Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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