ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
