I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
