it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Alive.
So much puke
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
