I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
