Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
