Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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