I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
