I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
