My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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