Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
