Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
