I think i peed on brittanys purse
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
