ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
