If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
