My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
