i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You took a bar mat shot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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