So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had sex on a roof
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
