ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I need a beard to bite.
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