I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
