He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
