does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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