I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
