dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drunk is not a location!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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