I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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