I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
