Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
