did you get engaged???
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
