am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
