To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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