walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
