a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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