ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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