I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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