Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
