Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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