I cannot find my penis.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.