God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.