if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.