the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.