Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.