Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
