did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
