Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
