At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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