my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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