highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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