Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
