last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize