dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize