i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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