i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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