He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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