Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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