battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
